greencatina @ 2009-07-28T23: 21:00
I wonder if a bitter feeling of what is going on in my rather positive life is a bad custom, a feature of mind or a kind of illness ?
I wanted to post here lots of things - but had no time, and I don't know if I'll do it once - they were everyday and sad and cheerful ... There was a hypothesis that my sleepiness, my disability to think clearly, the feeling of being limited is just a kind of self-defence against this awful world. In childhood there was no such feeling. There were mistakes, lack of knowledge, but no limitedness, no feeling that something always slips away. And there was no bitterness. All worries were momentary. And now everything is allright, but if I only have time to speak to myself... I feel like being empty or so... Living false.
Or is it just growing up - when the thoughts themselves become sadder? I hope, not?
The other question is what on earth can be so frightening in this world, when I live as easy as if I play? When each doubt can be solved empirically without much harm to me? Who when could have scared me that I mix my words and cannot wake up on holiday? Isn't it a dream when one can do what one want? Can anyone answer searching questions?
What interests me - is a bitter after-taste of life when everything seems to be good, a bad habit, a train of people, a problem of the body, right?
I wanted to write a lot of entries, but am not come to it, and in most cases come, perhaps never - they were ordinary, bright, minor manner, and among them was a hypothesis that the eternal Schlä ; drowsiness, the highest dispersion, and other signs of the limitations of our possibilities, are simply a defense against something terrible in the world. It was the childhood, when there was no sense of limitation. There were, of course, mistakes, lack of knowledge, but not this sense of his own limitations, the feeling that something eludes me still. And there was no Nachgeschmäcke. There was momentary as with the specific reasons, not so that everything would be fine, but if I would remain with me alone, I see - into space, or something. I see something wrong.
Or is it a sign of the adults is not given, that something negative always appears in thinking? No, does not it?
The other question is - what a terrible may be things in this world when life is playful light? If any doubt can be solved easily everyday empirical, with no successor, except the results? Who and when I was so scared that I confuse the words and can not wake me up on holiday when it would be just easier to do because I can do what I want? Who can answer such questions?
Вот интересно, неприятный осадок от происхоящего in life, other things being successful - it's a bad habit, a character trait, the problem of the body, or what?
I immediately wanted to write a bunch of posts, but somehow not met and most likely not find the time at all - everyday, minor, gay, among them was a hypothesis that sonnlivost, inability to pack up and other signs of the ceiling over your head - it's a way to protect against something terrible in the world. After all, it was also his childhood, when there was no sense of a ceiling. Errors result of ignorance were a sense of their own narrow-mindedness, a sense that something floating away from you - was not. And the rain was not there either. It was momentary, with specific reasons, and not so good, but worth only to be left alone with him - and once empty, or something. Wrong somehow.
Or is it an indispensable sign of growing up that there's some negative makeweights to think? After all, there is it?
Another question - what could be so terrible in the world, if life was going somehow, even in just a toy? If lyuyuboe everyday question can be resolved empirically and did not get over it is nothing but the result of experience? Who and when my favorite time to scare that I confuse the words now and a holiday can not drive themselves out of bed, although it would seem, the time to do what you want - is not a celebration of life? There anyone here knows how to answer such questions?
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